Pangs of Guilt

Luke 15:1-3, 11-32 (NRSVCE)

Now all the tax collectors and sinners were coming near to listen to him. And the Pharisees and the scribes were grumbling and saying, “This fellow welcomes sinners and eats with them.”

So he told them this parable:

Then Jesus said, “There was a man who had two sons. The younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of the property that will belong to me.’ So he divided his property between them. A few days later the younger son gathered all he had and traveled to a distant country, and there he squandered his property in dissolute living. When he had spent everything, a severe famine took place throughout that country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed the pigs. He would gladly have filled himself with the pods that the pigs were eating; and no one gave him anything. But when he came to himself he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired hands have bread enough and to spare, but here I am dying of hunger! I will get up and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son; treat me like one of your hired hands.”’ So he set off and went to his father. But while he was still far off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion; he ran and put his arms around him and kissed him. Then the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’

But the father said to his slaves, ‘Quickly, bring out a robe—the best one—and put it on him; put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. And get the fatted calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate; for this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found!’ And they began to celebrate.

“Now his elder son was in the field; and when he came and approached the house, he heard music and dancing. He called one of the slaves and asked what was going on. He replied, ‘Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fatted calf, because he has got him back safe and sound.' Then he became angry and refused to go in. His father came out and began to plead with him. But he answered his father, ‘Listen! For all these years I have been working like a slave for you, and I have never disobeyed your command; yet you have never given me even a young goat so that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came back, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fatted calf for him!’ Then the father said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. But we had to celebrate and rejoice, because this brother of yours was dead and has come to life; he was lost and has been found.’”

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The parable of the prodigal son is one I think we all know well. The father divides his property between his two sons. While the older son remains with his father, the younger son takes his share, leaves, and squanders it. He ends up penniless, tending to pigs in the dirt and muck. Finally realizing the direness of the situation he has landed himself in, he heads home and prepares a grand speech to beg for his father’s forgiveness, so that he might at least be allowed to work on his father’s property again. But when he gets there, his father was having no part of his son’s guilt. He welcomed him with open arms and prepared a celebration!

How many times have we gone astray in our faith? How many times have we squandered the gifts that God has given us? When we return to God, repentant and filled with guilt, He is like the father in this parable. He does not hesitate in His forgiveness. He welcomes us with open arms and great joy, for His child was lost and is found! Our sins are forgiven, and we are welcomed anew into the life of Christ.

There are many ways in which we can sympathize with the prodigal son. We all sin and we all need forgiveness. Think about how the weight of that sin weighs on you right up to the point of seeking forgiveness. For me, stepping into the confessional is one of the most difficult things, because I know there will be that overpowering sense of guilt that will come over me. I know that I have sinned, but in my every day life I can put it out of my mind. I can distract myself. But here’s the thing: God is the source of all goodness, the source of all holiness. As we approach that source we become painfully aware of just how unworthy we are of it. Our sin stands in stark contrast to the goodness of God. And while our sin can be hidden from others, and even from ourselves, before God our sins are laid bare, the ways in which we fall short cannot be hidden. This is the guilt that the prodigal son felt, as he approached his father for forgiveness. “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son,” he says.

Now think about the moment after you have gone to God for forgiveness. You realize that all of that guilt, that overpowering sense of unworthiness, did not matter to God. He is not interested in your guilt. He cares that you have come home. So as difficult as it is to seek forgiveness, to feel the weight of that guilt, we know that our Father is there to rejoice with us that we have returned. We were lost, but we have been found.